Unwanted Guest? - 'House Shark' REVIEW

It's well known at the Lair that Neal LOVES shark movies. No, I mean he really loves them! I'm a big fan of shark movies myself, always have been; 'Deep Blue Sea', 'The Meg' they are so much fun, even 'Sharknado', although I drew the line at the fourth one.
 
But Neal will watch shark movies, that most people wouldn't give the time of day. So when he told me about his latest viewing, I asked him to tell you guys about it, to really show you the depths to which he will sink! (see what I did there?)
 
Don't say I didn't warn you... here goes... over to Neal...
 
"Cards on the table, I love a good film about sharks. 
 
I think it all began when my mum took me as a 9 year old to the cinema to see the original 'Jaws' movie. I was petrified, so petrified that I went back again with her a week later to watch it again. I think in this day and age, there would be an outcry if a parent took their 8 year old child to see something like that - but hey it was the 1970’s and parenting was much more relaxed.
 
Since then I’ve watched so many shark movies I’ve lost count. We all know the high profile ones; such as 'Jaws', 'Sharknado', 'The Meg' etc there are also some excellent less well known additions to the shark horror genre that are a joy to discover.
 
Sadly 'House Shark' is not one of those movies!
 
House Shark Movie Poster
 
The main idea behind the plot is there’s a shark … living in a house … it devours people … they need someone to kill the shark. Step forward an estate agent and an expert in house sharks - obviously!
 
How the hell they managed to get 1 hour 52 minutes out of that plot line is beyond me. It’s a dreadful plot, poorly acted, badly directed with awful cinematography. I also think the editor was someone on their first day at editing school for losers!
 
The first "kill" should have warned me - the teenage babysitter takes her clothes off to go to the toilet (as you do!) and read her book. Cut to the shark’s view of her bum cheeks through the bottom of the toilet bowl. Next thing there’s blood all over the bathroom. Quelle surprise!
 
Now I know it’s supposed to be funny, a parody/satire but the thing about good comedies is that they are really well crafted … and actually funny. This wasn’t funny in the slightest and looks like it’s been put together as a homework project by some 17 year old media students.
 
So, to summarise, it’s a hell of an awful film ….. though I’ll probably watch it again ….. (well it IS about SHARKS)!"
 
What did I tell you?
 
Sleep well
Mark